Ursula 1000 - Kiga Kinky

Kinda Kinky

By  Ursula 1000

Very Good Condition

A Review

Tonight's the night. You're looking so fresh and so clean in your all-black linen Prada ensemble, the Nag Champa is alight and you personally cut and rolled the sushi. Now nothing can stand between you and an intimate evening of hand-feeding the invited nubile beach bunny raw fish until well into the morning hours.

Music, of course, plays a most important part in the seduction technique. You never want to overplay your hand with something too obvious (Barry White, Naked Music comps, D'Angelo). This says to your prospective playmate that you have nothing more on your mind than that precious patch of skin between her breasts (since that's all you've been looking at since she arrived). Teen pop signals a potential pedophile; rap-rock is a dead giveaway for a whiny mama's boy. Bling-branded hip-hop screams freak (she'll be convinced you're into group action, too).

But thanks to the cool urban swing of Ursula 1000's latest confection of carnival rhythms worthy of Breakfast at Tiffany's (although for our purposes, let's call it Breakfast at H&M), your sonic seduction is handled. You'll feel like Dean Martin playing James Bond when the "Beatbox Cha Cha" kicks in (martini suggested). "Les Techniques De L'Amour" is jazz-intensive electro-house, like St. Germain providing the soundtrack for a couture catwalk.

So when the drunken horns of "Mucho Tequila" mark her third shot of Patron and "Tigerbeat" finds you dancing the Frug before she turns into "The Girl From N.O.W.H.E.R.E." who's even hotter than the girl on "Alias," you'll thank me in the morning.

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